resa: (heart on my sleeve)
... habe ich heute vor dem Spiegel meine Yogamatte ausgerollt, mich ein wenig aufgewärmt, drei kurze Übungen gemacht und ein paar Minuten meditiert. Schau, schau, es geht doch. Ja, ja, man kann sich innerhalb eines Jahres schon ein paar blöde Gedanken angewöhnen. "Bin ich inzwischen zu schwach zu" und "tut mir nur weh" gleich mal wieder aus dem Repertoire streichen bitte.
resa: (academia demands: writing)

Aaaaaaaaaand another three pages DOWN.

It took me longer than yesterday because I had a lot of errands to run this morning and had only roughly three hours in the library today. That's why I had to finish the last page at home tonight and drank two cups of coffee. Dot dot dot. Well, I did write the last page, but only after jumping around the flat and singing along with the Wise Guys at the top of my lungs for nearly an hour.Oh, the sacrifices we make...

Anyways, I think I've been pretty smart today (I unravelled a paradox!) and earned myself some fun book time fair and square. I started rereading "This Lullaby" by Sarah Dessen, one of my favourite authors, and am already head over heals all over again. The main character's, Remy's sligthly bitter narrating voice fits my current mood so well. And while I keep nodding my head most of the time, when she goes on about relationships of any kind, how nothing lasts forever and is, therefore, not worth suffering through its end, I know how the story ends, because, hello, reread. It all ends well. In addition, it is also funny like hell. Everybody, read Sarah Dessen. She knows how messy life can be when you struggle to grow up and find your place in this crazy world.

On a different note, I think I've finally gotten the hang of yoga after two years. Seriously, it's crazy, and so simple if you really think about it which you shouldn't. And that's the point.

My, my. Am I being crytic or what?
resa: (yoga)

Today, I fell over laughing in yoga class, s e v e r a l  t i m e s. 

Two reasons:

First, we had to roll on the floor, laughing. Well, we were supposed to roll on the floor. ... But what else can you do than to start laughing, rolling on the floor?

Second, nobody hit any note during meditation. Nobody. Hit. None. Ten people. No note... No. Several. Too many. None like the other. We tried singing the mantra for ten minutes I guess.

My, my...







XD
resa: (yoga)

Hellooooooo?!

Did I just finish a yoga set in which 90% of the exercises demanded the Breath of Fire?!

Usually, I don't even last a minute!
resa: (yoga)

Meine Güte... Es ist echt schon Monate her, dass ich so viel Ballast beim Yoga lassen konnte. Dabei war das echt Pillepalle heute. Also... Nein, war es nicht. Aber kein Geturne, nicht viel Bewegung - aber Durchhalten, meine Güte, Durchhalten. Meine armen Arme... Übungen für das Drüsensystem, damit wir unsere Alltagsherausforderungen meistern können - perfekt auf mich zugeschnitten.

Viel gesessen, Arme in unmöglichen Winkeln (okay, okay, 60 und 90°) gehalten und versucht, normal zu atmen. Jaja, wenn's mal so einfach wäre... Wenn S. nicht zwischendurch mal gesagt hätte: "Wenn ihr lernt, diesen Druck zu meistern, könnt ihr auch mit dem anderen umgehen", hätte ich mit Sicherheit abgebrochen. So habe ich aber die Zähne zusammen gebissen. Ich habe geächzt und gestöhnt, weil's schon nach den ersten zwei Minuten so wehtat. Und dann endlich, endlich auch geweint - weil mich nichts mehr schmerzt als der Gedanke "Ich kann nicht". Die traurige Wahrheit ist, dass ich das in letzter Zeit viel zu häufig denk und das hat sich einfach gesammelt. Ich will so viele tolle DInge tun, aber die schweren Aufgaben stapeln sich vor mir, bis fast kein Durchkommen mehr ist. Dann ist "Ich kann nicht" der größte Brocken, den ich mir selbst noch in den Weg lege. Und das hab ich leider lang trainiert, da bin ich super drin.

Darum war es heute besonders gut, mal wieder daran erinnert zu werden, dass ich auch anders kann. Ich will brilliant sein? Warmherzig? Ich will häufiger lachen und einfach mal wieder länger als zehn Minuten gute Laune haben? Na, dann mach ich es. Einfach ist das wahrlich nicht, aber ich kann's, ich weiß, ich kann's; ich bin nicht mehr so abhängig von meinen Stimmungen wie früher. Ich habe mir im letzten Jahr oft genug bewiesen, dass ich einen Haufen guter Eigenschaften habe, die ich in schwierigen Situationen immer besser aus der Tasche ziehe.

Also werd ich bald auch dieses Biest noch klein kriegen, dieses "Immer nur an die negativen Dinge denken und die guten, großartigen, phenomenalen Dinge einfach vernachlässigen" - Monster. Wer will denn so was? Ich nicht. So.

Und jetzt zähl ich euch mal ein paar geile Dinge aus meinem Leben auf:

Ich habe in meinem Angstseminar bei meinem Angstprofessor letzte Woche ein super Referat gehalten.
Ich war im Schlafanzug und mit Lockenwicklern auf einer riesigen WG-Party.
Ich habe einer meiner Kolleginnen doof angemotzt und mich dafür entschuldigt.
Ich steh wieder auf der Liste für den Fachbereichsrat für die Hochschulwahlen 2010/11.
Ich werde *****. (Das kann nur [personal profile] farbenweberin erraten, sorry. :-))
Nächste Woche ist die Linguistik-Staff-Weihnachtsfeier auf dem Weihnachtsmarkt.
Nächste Woche tanzen wieder alle schottisch auf dem Ceilidh, den wir (die Fachschaft) organisieren.
Nächste Woche singt mein neuer Chor ein kleines Konzert in der Johanneskirche.

Und morgen habe ich endlich wieder Seminar bei meiner Lieblingsprofessorin und da freu ich mich drauf wie blöde. Habe ich erwähnt, dass sie Netzstrumpfhosen trägt? Nein? Wurde höchste Zeit. (Diese Frau ist 'ne Wucht!)

So, das gesagt, fehlt nur noch: Danke Yoga.

Ich geh jetzt mal wieder Ich sein. :-)

P.S.

Oct. 6th, 2009 10:28 pm
resa: (yoga)

Today's yoga class was legendary. We did the exercises which I've been doing for a week now and I rocked SO HARD!! In addition, our teacher brought along his guitar...

If that package wasn't very, very close to total bliss, I don't know what is.

update

Oct. 1st, 2009 09:22 am
resa: (yoga)

I've started doing yoga again, daily practice, that is. Well, we might be able to call it "daily practice" if I do it daily from now on. Get up at 6am and use the first hour of my day to... exercise my body and mind. Oh wow, that sounds so cheesy. Anyways. Daily yoga four 40 days, then, I am told one will have mastered the exercises, then, at the latest, change is to come. We'll see. I need change, so who am I to think that it would happen without me working hard for it?
Maybe that's the reason why I'm considering participating in this year's NaNoWriMo again, too. Work, change, and a vague answer in the end.

On a differnt note, I finished Bloodhound by Tamora Pierce and am totally smitten with Beka again (and everybody else for that matter). Then, because I've already read all of Tamora Pierce's books (except for Melting Stones), I started with the Immortal Series again. Yeah, I was thinking about reading The Lioness Quartett again, but come on. I've read it again and again, or at least it feels like it; maybe I just remember Alanna's story the best. Anyways, Daine. I have to admit I have a thing for the lady knights of the realm ( = Alanna's and Kel's storys are my favourite ones), but the girl is surrounded by so many lovable characters that aren't lady knights that it doesn't matter. Magic, bah, bah, bah, I have magic in every other fantasy book I read and in the author describes way more interesting kinds of magic than Daine's in The Circle of Magic but... She sweet. She's sweet and young and I love Numair, I always have. I remember The Realm of the Gods, the last of the series, to be verrrry disappointing, but so far, Wild Magic is awesome and I'm hugely looking forward to reading The Emperor Mage again.

And some more happy news for me: the new Harper Connelly book Grave Secret by Charlaine Harris will be published on 27th October!

Ah sweet university, why art thou starting in two weeks time?
resa: (meditation)
Today, I made the tip of my nose tingle by looking at it in meditation.

So.

Has anybody else discovered any useless talents lately? ;-)

Help?

Aug. 29th, 2009 12:42 pm
resa: (yoga)

I have a favour to ask.

You know, I have this class I have a short story to hand in for on Monday. On the one hand, I'm confident that I haven't written three pages of senseless yogic stream of consciousness blablablah, on the other... Well,

a) English is not my native language,
b) descriptions of yoga poses sometimes are rather confusing,
c) I put my heart into it (big news, huh?), and
d) I don't want to embarrass myself in front of the most awesomest teacher ever.

So. I don't want to burden any of you with a deep beta reading, but would you be willing to just read through it? Please tell me where I can find you on a scale of 1 to 10 in which 1 = "I don't get a thing, hide in shame!" and 10 = "crystal clear". Two or three opinions would be awesome and immensely appreciated. I'll give this piece its finishing touches Sunday evening, so there's today and tomorrow. If there's something in my power to make you smile and compensate you for your troubles, I'd be very willing to try. :-)


You walk into the room and you know you are late. (~ 2000 words) )

Anybody? That would be so great!

*now writing the academic explanation for this*

resa: (yoga)

It would be such a laugh.

Tonight, when our teacher said at one point, "Now comes the most important pose" like almost every week, I was already in pieces because of him just saying it. Frustrated, angry, and of course, crying. He said that we shoud stand and spread our arms, palms down. We were to move our arms, like a seesaw or a scale, he said, to balance ourselves, sloooowly.

And I just stood there. Eyes closed, of course, hearing everybody around me doing the exercise, and I kept thinking, "I cannot do this, I cannot do this." Note here that all I was asked to do, was to simply raise my arms and move them. Instead, I listened to everybody breathing harder and harder, listened to myself being all self-destructive, and curled my hands into fists at my sides, refusing to even lift my arms an inch. Maybe not for long, but long enough to wait for a word from our teacher. I thought, "Come on, say it. Tell me to do this, to try this, tell me that I can do this, so that I can finally SHAKE MY HEAD AT YOU!!"

However, nothing much of that sort happened. Maybe our teacher is a telepath and knows exactly what I need to block myself even more. Most likely, he just has a very sound knowlegde of human nature. Anyways, I didn't hear him say another word until I finally lifted my arms, stood completely still for a few seconds, and then started breathing again. I moved my arms like he told us to and it wasn't pretty. I started crying again, and stopped somewhere along the way, too. And I kept moving until we were done and it was a hell of a fight.


I tend to say, "Yoga brings out the worst in me," but I've come to believe that this is also who I really am, right now. Frustrated - yes; angry - for sure; grieving over a loss I do not yet have the words for to describe - everyday. But also fighting and on my way. I'm not fighting to win, but to realize that fighting is pointless, and I know that one day, I will stop and just be myself. I will throw a huge tantrum, but admit my anger, sadnes, my fears, and joy in the end.

Until then, I'll hide behind the fighting, because it's part of the process, too. In the end, however, I will lay down my sword and armour, and just be.

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Resa

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