resa: (heart on my sleeve)

Also erst einmal möchte ich sagen, dass es eine verfluchte Schande ist, dass Tom Felton in den Harry Potter Filmen nicht richtig lächeln darf. Während meiner Recherchearbeit zur Visualisierung einer Harry Potter Fanfiction ist mir nämlich aufgegangen, dass... Dass das gar nicht so verkehrt aussieht. Vor allem, wenn die Haare nicht mehr so schlimm hellblond gefärbt sind. Was auch immer. Coole H/D Fanfiction gefällig? Lest/hört "Reparations" von Sara's Girl. (Und "Foundations danach, die ist nämlich auch richtig, richtig gut.)

Dann ist das Wetter scheiße. Was soll das? Bei Regen steh ich nicht gern auf. Da krieg ich Erkältung und möchte ins Bett.
So, das war das negative Zwischenspiel.

Zu sagen, dass Leben sei ausnahmslos gut zu mir, wäre gelogen, denn es gibt im Moment vereinzelte Dinge, mit denen ich mich im Moment sehr hilflos fühle. Ich habe aber begriffen, das alles, was ich gerade tun kann, abwarten ist. Also warte ich auf den richtigen Moment, um wieder aufzustehen, für mich einzustehen und dafür zu sorgen, dass ich gehört werde. Bis dahin kämpfe ich gegen meine alten Muster an, die gern hätten, dass ich mich von absolut allem zurückziehe, um jeder ewaigen Enttäuschung auszuweichen. Wie gut, dass ich stärker geworden bin, mich ihnen ziemlich selbstbewusst entgegen stellen und sagen kann: "Nun stellt euch mal nicht so an..." Sie sind noch da, sie nerven, sie schlauchen oft auch, aber ich bin stärker. Wenn ich mir nur vorstelle, was mir in den letzten Wochen alles entgangen wäre...

Erst gestern, nach dem Ersatz-WW-Treffen wollte ich eigentlich nach Hause, doch C. und ich sind dann noch spontan im Pferdestall gelandet. (Meine neue Lieblingskneipe ürbigens, die ist so cool!) Saßen da noch bis 21.30 Uhr mit dem besten Burger und Pommes der Stadt für 3,40 Euro. Das war ein Fest! C. und ich haben ungefähr zur gleichen Zeit letztes Jahr mit WW angefangen, mochten uns immer sehr, aber da sie unserem Coach assistiert, kam es nie zu mehr als zwei WG-Parties bei ihr. Gestern haben wir uns aber mal Zeit genommen und haben ein wenig über Perspektive gesprochen, gerade was das Abnehmen angeht. Wir sind beide seit über einem Jahr bei WW und so gut dieses Programm meistens funktioniert, so viele Macken hat es aber leider auch, die wir beide gerade stark spüren, und die mussten raus. C. ist eine ganz, ganz liebe und lustige Frau und so haben wir neben dem Mosern (und Lästern, jaja) , den Großteil des Abends mit lautem Gelächter verbracht - und meistens auch noch über uns selbst.

Auch am Montag auf dem Betriebsausflug hab ich... Hm, die Worte klingen doof, aber ich komme gerade an nichts Besseres ran leider. Auch am Montag habe ich irgendwie gemerkt, wieviel Potential in ganz vielen Menschen und mir steckt, uns näher kennenzulernen und uns besser zu verstehen. Ganz besonders ist mir der Körperkontakt aufgefallen, den ein paar Menschen mit mir gesucht haben, von denen ich es weder gewohnt bin, noch überhaupt erwartet hätte. Unfassbar. Gerade von Person A bin ich so eine große personal space bubble gewöhnt und plötzlich, plopp! Was für eine schöne Überraschung. Und Person B... Hm. Aus dem Blauen heraus. Ob das Flirten war? Wer weiß. Es war schön.

Und was unser Sommerfest für das Gruppengefühl in der Fachschaft getan hat, muss ich erst gar nicht erwähnen, oder? Ich habe mich lange nicht mehr so wohl in einer Gruppe von Menschen gefühlt, in der jeder, wirklich jeder so mit dem Herzen dabei ist und alle an einem Strang ziehen. Das Fest war für alle Besucher ein tolles Erlebnis (nur gutes Feedback bisher!) und für uns eine großartige gemeinsame Erfahrung. Ich bin unendlich stolz, ein Teil davon gewesen zu sein.

Ach, Salsa tanzen war ich letzte Woche auch tatsächlich zum ersten Mal. Das war auch eine sehr positive Erfahrung für mich. Die Musik war toll und ich hatte über den Abend verteilt Tanzpartner, die mich alle sehr geduldig durch den Salsa, Bachata und Merengue geführt haben. Wie wohl die meisten Anfänger bin ich noch sehr schüchtern, was den Hüftschwung angeht und wurde dafür auch einmal höflich gescholten. Was soll ich sagen? Auch wenn man sich als Anfänger erst einmal auf die Schritte konzentriert, entgeht einem nicht, was für ein erotischer Tanz Salsa sein kann. Da muss gar nicht viel Körperkontakt vorhanden sein, denn allein durch den Hüftschwung... Ich bin wohl die einzige, die das so fertig macht. Also, nicht fertig im Sinne von "ich mag nicht machen, mag nicht gucken", sondern "ich mag es zu sehr und meine Hormone feiern dann ihre ganz eigene Party". Egal, ich gewöhn mich da einfach dran. Und um mich dran zu gewöhnen, schau ich einfach all diesen hübschen, tanzenden Frauen in den kurzen, flatternden Röcken weiter auf die schwingenden Hüften. Was ein Plan! (I'm doomed.)

So, heute. Was mach ich heute? Ich werde jetzt was essen, einkaufen und dann T. auf der Arbeit treffen. Dann telefoniere ich und wenn ich's schaff, schreibe ich dann noch zumindest eine längst überfällige Email. Guter Plan. Ich hänge immer noch ein wenig hinterher, aber ich hole auf.
resa: (schlaue Frau)

Puuuuhhh. Echt bis 11 Uhr schlafen, bis 12 Uhr gefrühstückt, dann zurück auf's Bett und 100 Seiten gelesen. An einer vertretbaren Stelle aufgehört (nur noch 120 Seiten!), Curry gekocht und Curry gegessen. Jetzt hol ich mir eine Jeans aus dem Wäschekeller, kauf noch schnell ein paar essentielle und auch vielleicht ein paar besondere Dinge für's Wochenende ein und dann les ich's zu Ende. Ich bin so vernarrt in dieses Buch, das ist schon fast peinlich. Ich liebe jede einzelne Seite und das ist kein Witz. Es ist so überhaupt gar nicht, was ich am Anfang erwartet hatte, und so viel besser. Selbst die Teile der Geschichte, die ich erst als schwierig empfunden habe, haben sich als so wichtig und gut herausgestellt. Das letzte Mal, das ich so aufgeregt war, ein Buch (zu Ende) zu lesen, war echt vor einem Jahr bei Kazuo Ishiguros The Remains of the Day. Ich bin so dankbar, dass ich diese Begeisterung auch nach sechs Jahren Literaturstudium noch spüren kann.

Und danke all den Zufällen und Nicht-Zufällen, die dieses Buch in meine Hände befördert haben. Das wird bleiben.
resa: (Mädchenabend)

Okay, nach 200 Seiten immer noch kein Sex, aber ich bin verliebt.
Jamiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee.
resa: (Kirk says: OMFG!)
Ey, schon 100 Seiten rum und immer noch kein Sex!
Irgendwie hatte ich das anders in Erinnerung...

XD
resa: (eating healthy)

Für 4 bis 5 Portionen. Einen Hokkaido-Kürbis, waschen, aufschneiden und die Kerne entfernen. Muss nicht geschält werden, juchu! Ihn dann würfeln, kurz in einem Top mit etwas Öl anbraten und dann mit so viel Gemüsebrühe ablöschen, bis er mit Flüssigkeit bedeckt ist. 20 Minuten köcheln lassen. Währenddessen Zwiebeln klein schneiden und in einer Pfanne anbraten, verwaren. Wenn gewünscht, auch Würfelschinken anbraten,  verwaren. Wenn Kürbis gar, Topf vom Herd nehmen, Zwiebel hinzugeben und alles pürrieren, würzen nach Geschmack. Würfelschinken unterrühren. Mit einem Esslöffel Sahne / Quark und einer Scheibe getoastetem Brot servieren.


On a different note, ich habe heute seit Monaten endlich mal wieder ein Buch zuende gelesen und zwar Margaret Atwood's The Year of the Flood und jetzt will ich mehr! Mehr aus diesem fiktionalen Welt (gibt es, Gottseidank!) und generell einfach mehr von Margaret Atwood. Sie hatte mich schon auf Seite 2 völlig in ihrer Welt gefangen und ich frage mich, ob ihre anderen Romane das auch können. Bevor ich das aber herausfinde, werde ich mir mal meine möglichen Magisterarbeitsbücher vornehmen (später mehr dazu) und Patrick Rothfuss noch mal eine Chance geben. Hab so viel Lob über The Name of The Wind gehört, aber die ersten zehn Seiten? Laaangweilig. Also noch mal...


Hach, lesen.
Ich kann's noch.
resa: (reading is fun)

Oh my. Thursday will be my happy day this semester. I start at 8am and won't leave until 6pm, but it doesn't really matter, because I have two adjacent classes with G. Adjacent. I think I might be hyperventilating... oh... oh...

Phew.

Anyways, the first is a lecture on 21st century American culture - including sessions about racial issues, the terror attacks on the WTC, the wars in the Middle East, Abu Ghraib and Guantánamo prison, the presidental elections in 2008, the financial crisis, and finally the Twilight - wait for it... - Saga. I can provide our reading list if you're interested.

The second class is a seminar on the phenomenon of Barack Obama in which the first two books we will read are his autobiographies Dreams from of my Father and The Audacity of Hope. Apart from the person, what he stands for and my interest in him, I'm thrilled to have some more practice in reading autobiographies, because I need it badly. I don't know how other people do it, reading autobiographies that is, and don't get crazy. It made me mad, furious even last semester. In parts, I blame it on the autobiography in question (Brother and Keepers by John Wideman), in parts also on the genre. Without a proper balance of knowing what is fact and what is fiction, i.e. the author showing that he is aware of the problem, I get uncomfortable.

For me, that borders on "unintended" unreliable narration, the kind which makes one look up from a book of fiction and think, "Wait a second... Did the protagonist just try to convince me that it is okay to hurt animals/beat children/kill innocent people? Seriously? Dear author, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" In my opinion, that happens when the author's questionable psychological condition shows too much in his story and makes the reader uncomfortable because of its degree of, well, let's be euphemistic and call it 'weirdness' in the best cases. No, I'm not saying just because some characters in a book are 'weird', that the author is as well, but there's a line and I've seen it crossed a couple of times. One example would be parts of the Twilight Saga, during which I've actually wondered what Stephenie Meyer thought about the topic of sexual consent, and I got very, very mad at her.

So, while this uncomfortable feeling can be pushed further away in fiction if necessary, I find it more difficult to deal with when reading an autobiography - because there's not much of an illusion of a fictional character weakening the experience of such weirdness. However, Obama is doing a great job in Dreams from my Father so far and I'm glad for that.


Two classes down, two more to go.

I also have a lecture in linguistics which is called "Tranlation and Transfer Studies". It is taught by a new professor here who is a trained translator and translation professor. While it is clear that as students of English literature and culture, we're definitely not supposed to be trained in translation the way she is, but I think as a linguistic professor here, she offers a great perspective on language philosophy and cultural differences. I enjoyed the first session a lot!

Now, the seminar on Queer Studies. I'm confused, to say the least, but I think that was the intention. The nature of the subject itself seems to object to a clear definition and that's why I won't try to write anything about it until I've gotten my hands on the seminar reader this afternoon and read a couple of texts. I can say already that it's very intriguing though. Looooots of meta theory to read and I'm not sure about how much I can take of that, but we'll see.


I small voice in the back of my head insists that I got myself way too much workload for this semester, considering that I don't exactly need four of my eleven classes, but pleeeaaase? It's my last semester before the exams in fall and the final thesis afterwards and I... I.... I need it. I need the distraction, at least for now.
resa: (academia demands: writing)

Day 4 didn't happen unfortunately. I had a colonoscopy today and was pretty much occupied the whole day preparing for it. To still make the deadline on Thursday, I'm thinking about writing two pages less which would mean one page today, and four more one Saturday and Sunday each. Crazy. I'm fast, but that fast? I don't know...

God, I don't want to ask for more time, I don't want to. I would get it, oh, I would (I have it on paper that I had been sick for a week after all), but I seriously don't want to postpone this any further - I want some Easter holidays! On Easter Monday, a workshop starts at work which I will have to attend and which will last all week if I'm informed correctly. I want at least the Easter weekend to pretent that I had some kind of holidays since the semester ended mid-February...


As for the examination, it went fine, I'm well, and apparently, my bowels are fine as well. Proof that my life makes me sick without leaving behind any traces. I knew it. Cunning, little bastard!


Ah. If you liked the Star Trek Amanda/Sarek story I recommended here, read this brilliant little piece which is titled "What Women Want" by [livejournal.com profile] igrockspock and learn about the purpose of tacky, red dresses.

resa: (academia demands: writing)

Aaaaaaaaaand another three pages DOWN.

It took me longer than yesterday because I had a lot of errands to run this morning and had only roughly three hours in the library today. That's why I had to finish the last page at home tonight and drank two cups of coffee. Dot dot dot. Well, I did write the last page, but only after jumping around the flat and singing along with the Wise Guys at the top of my lungs for nearly an hour.Oh, the sacrifices we make...

Anyways, I think I've been pretty smart today (I unravelled a paradox!) and earned myself some fun book time fair and square. I started rereading "This Lullaby" by Sarah Dessen, one of my favourite authors, and am already head over heals all over again. The main character's, Remy's sligthly bitter narrating voice fits my current mood so well. And while I keep nodding my head most of the time, when she goes on about relationships of any kind, how nothing lasts forever and is, therefore, not worth suffering through its end, I know how the story ends, because, hello, reread. It all ends well. In addition, it is also funny like hell. Everybody, read Sarah Dessen. She knows how messy life can be when you struggle to grow up and find your place in this crazy world.

On a different note, I think I've finally gotten the hang of yoga after two years. Seriously, it's crazy, and so simple if you really think about it which you shouldn't. And that's the point.

My, my. Am I being crytic or what?
resa: (reading is fun)

Here comes another link to a Star Trek story I've told [personal profile] blady about recently. This time, it's neither about Kirk, nor Kirk and Spock, but about Spock's parents, Sarek and Amanda. This lovely less-than-5,000-words story is called "Logic Demands That You Take Off That Ridiculous Hat, Get Naked, and Come to Bed" and the author's own summary of it is this: When people ask how he met his wife, he says they exchanged cultural information at a diplomatic event. He does not mention that she beat him at logic (twice), or that afterward, they took off their clothes.

This is a very enjoyable read, funny and insightful. Usually, I'm kind of indifferent about Sarek and his potential as a character, because we have Spock and as a half-Vulcan, half-Human, he's a enough of a conflict to last a couple of centuries. However, Sarek's the first Vulcan to marry a Human (that we know of, btw), so there has to be something special about him. This story provides the reader with a very nice take on Sarek's distinct characteristic feature, or features, for that matter - I think they are patience, and curiousity. Logic demands that these features are a part of every Vulcan, and therefore, every Vulcan could fall in love with a Human. OMG. However, I would argue (and I guess many Vulcans with me, silly people) that the Sarek in this story posseses them in a very unique proportion and only because of that, he falls for Amanda.

Please not that I'm biased here - I love Amanda. I loved her short appearance in the movie and I love her much younger self in this story. If you like reading about strong and intelligent women, you'll like this story even more. Because she does beat Sarek at logic and the beauty of it is that he can't bring himself to care about it as much as he'd like to.

Now, enough of logic Vulcans and emotional Humans.


I'm going to do the dishes and then dive back into Carol Berg's Son of Avonar for at least another chapter. I've read the first 70 pages or so and I like it quite a lot, although the story is not as well-wrought as I remember her other books, for example Transformation, to be. However, what I call "not as well-wrought" now, might turn out to be a writing device later on, so I won't judge her too harshly now. After all, she wrote Son of Avonar after the Rai-Kirah series - she already proved that she's a great storyteller. Well... Apart from a dry spell once in a while in each of her books. Still, I love her stories. The writes strong characters, big challenges, and great magic, and that's what good fantasy, for me, is all about.


On a final note, I spend four hours on the phone today. And went to a choir rehearsal afterwards. If I had known that this morning, I would have warmed up my voice more thoroughly. ;-)
resa: (Glaube an Kunst)

I can't believe it... Another semester just ended for me today. Sure, most of the work for the credit will need to be done during the coming weeks, but damn... That was so fast. So many things happend, both at university, in my job, in private life, too... I learned so fucking much in so little time. Damn, it was exhausting, crushing at times, but, in the end, worth it I guess. The university stuff anyway; I would have survived with less drama in my private life. But what's done, is done, and the best you can do about bad exepriences I think is to try and not shut yourself away from everything else because of them. During the last half year, I was so lonely and desperate sometimes that I wished I would be able to switch off feeling anything at all again. There were times in the past, when I could do this and maybe I still can. I guess I did manage to ignore some things now, but in the end, I let myself feel a lot and if I hadn't done that I wouldn't be able to remember the happiness I've felt as well because there wouldn't have been any. I believe that if you decide not to feel sad, you won't be able to be really happy either since there is no switch for either sadness or joy, just for both of them and emotions in general. I've been happy and I've been sad, afraid, and very angry - but I've been happy. I can't really believe that I'm writing this but for that kind of happiness I've experienced in some precious moments of the last six months, I'd gladly take on all the sad and angry moments again. Being happy was worth dealing with them.

Sooooo.

Finished with my 25 years worth of wisdom, are we now?

Concerning the semester break, I can't wait to dive into the big term paper I need to write for G.'s class AND the short creative project plan she allows me to do for credit, too. What it will be all about, I tell you when I'm actually doing it, because there is something which needs to be done first - and that is a short project report in one of my linguistic classes. The project itself was actually pretty cool, but writing it all down now will be oh so very boring. However, I want to get this written while the memory is still fresh. By the end of next week, I want it to be finished. And after that, the term paper + the creative project, I will need to be extra studious because I'll have to write another long term paper during the summer semester. This idea of a paper on the new Star Trek movie has developed well over the last six months and with the DVD finally in my hands, I can really get to work now. Soon. Project report first, then the fun stuff.

Anyways, speaking of Star Trek, there's a lovely fanfiction I've wanted to point out to [personal profile] blady recently and everybody else who might be interested for that matter. It's called "Graduate Vulcan for Fun and Profit", roughly 15,000 words of length, and in a nutshell, it is about how, in yet another universe of ours, Jim Kirk became fluent in the Vulcan language at the age of twelve. This story navigates nicely between the storyline in the present and the events in past and introduces a very intriguing original character, Sakel, Jim's teacher in Vulcan literature and language. You should definitely go and meet him. This is yet another great take on the fact that James T. Kirk is not a brain-dead, arrogant womanizer, but actually a very intelligent man. In the new movie, he showed a talent for computer hacking; in this great story, he knows how to swear in pre-Reformation Vulcan.
resa: (reading is fun)

I love the end.

resa: (reading is fun)

To read or not to read? I have yet to finish the last chapter, about 15 pages, of The Remains of the Day and I'm torn. I want to know how it ends but I don't want it to end. Seriously, this book is a beauty. It hurts in the best way a good book can. I hope I'll still be able to appreciate other books from tomorrow onwards...

(Pleaseletmelovetheendpleaseletmelovetheend.)
resa: (reading is fun)

Last night, I saw Hamlet performed for the first time and it was absolutely breath-taking. The White Horse Theatre group is doing its last performances in Gießen this weekend, so I went to see them with two of my fellow students. I... Wow. It was amazing. Not only did they perform the play with only four actors, but also Hamlet was portrayed more aggressive than anticipated - and it worked so much better than in the original play! He's often interpreted as a very melancholy kind of fellow and not somebody who screams and cries in agony because his uncle killed his father and married his mother. But he did tonight. Like that, it was a lot easier for me to identify with him and that made the whole scenario so much more believable. The Ophelia was amazing, too. In the end, everybody died of course, but the way there was really worth to be watched.

On a different note, I ordered another book by Kazuo Ishiguro. These days, I'm reading The Remains of the Day, but I fear for the day when I'll have finished it. This guy just writes the stories I really need to read right now. He blew my mind with Never Let Me Go about a year ago and damn, The Remains of the Day is amazing, too. I've shyed away from reading it until now, because one of my professors used to keep going on and on about it and blergh. Too much praise for my taste. Furthermore, the narrator is a middle-aged butler from the 1950s - how is his story supposed to catch my attention? But oh boy, I was so wrong. Ishiguro is an amazing story-teller and he writes about the reality of human life in such heart-breakingly beautiful way that I constantly think, "oh yeah, you're so right, man..." while reading his books. For me, he walks the thin line between constructing a believable reality and questioning the reliability of the human mind at the same time perfectly.

If you want to try him, I'll recommend you Never Let Me Go. It's his most recent book, apart from his collection of short stories called Noctures which is also a very enjoyable read. Never Let Me Go will make you gasp, though. Furthermore, if you like comparing books to its movie versions, you'll be able to do that soon with Never Let Me Go as well. The movie's anounced for 2010 with Keira Knightly (!) in one of the major roles.

So, give him a go and tell me about it! :-)

update

Oct. 1st, 2009 09:22 am
resa: (yoga)

I've started doing yoga again, daily practice, that is. Well, we might be able to call it "daily practice" if I do it daily from now on. Get up at 6am and use the first hour of my day to... exercise my body and mind. Oh wow, that sounds so cheesy. Anyways. Daily yoga four 40 days, then, I am told one will have mastered the exercises, then, at the latest, change is to come. We'll see. I need change, so who am I to think that it would happen without me working hard for it?
Maybe that's the reason why I'm considering participating in this year's NaNoWriMo again, too. Work, change, and a vague answer in the end.

On a differnt note, I finished Bloodhound by Tamora Pierce and am totally smitten with Beka again (and everybody else for that matter). Then, because I've already read all of Tamora Pierce's books (except for Melting Stones), I started with the Immortal Series again. Yeah, I was thinking about reading The Lioness Quartett again, but come on. I've read it again and again, or at least it feels like it; maybe I just remember Alanna's story the best. Anyways, Daine. I have to admit I have a thing for the lady knights of the realm ( = Alanna's and Kel's storys are my favourite ones), but the girl is surrounded by so many lovable characters that aren't lady knights that it doesn't matter. Magic, bah, bah, bah, I have magic in every other fantasy book I read and in the author describes way more interesting kinds of magic than Daine's in The Circle of Magic but... She sweet. She's sweet and young and I love Numair, I always have. I remember The Realm of the Gods, the last of the series, to be verrrry disappointing, but so far, Wild Magic is awesome and I'm hugely looking forward to reading The Emperor Mage again.

And some more happy news for me: the new Harper Connelly book Grave Secret by Charlaine Harris will be published on 27th October!

Ah sweet university, why art thou starting in two weeks time?

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